Why I am an Ex-Christian
My Deconversion Story
Welcome to The Ex-Christian Observer: a weekly newsletter from a former Christian unpacking the madness that is evangelical Christian America.
I'm Kevin, and I'm an ex-Christian living in the Bible Belt.
I’ve been creating content online under the handle Jesus Unfollower for about 5 years now, and I really never thought that would ever be a thing.
If you’re following me (or if you’re not), maybe you’re wondering about my story and why I’m doing this, so I figured I’d write about it here!
Here goes…
I grew up going to baptist churches as a kid, and the first time I ever doubted anything about God was in 7th grade, when an atheist classmate said there’s no way that Noah’s Ark could be true.
His name is Justin, and I’m pretty sure when he said “I’m an atheist,” that’s the first time I’d ever heard the word atheist.
When I got to thinking about it, he was right. It didn’t make a lot of sense. Logistically, Noah’s ark probably couldn’t have happened.
But, in my mind, God HAD to be real…right? Surely he could do whatever he wanted. Chalk it up to a miracle. I never even thought about the possibility that a god didn’t exist.
I just kinda brushed it off and went on with life.
After that, in my later high school years, I got REALLY into church. I started going to a Pentecostal church and believed that everything in the Bible was literally true.
The first time I went to that church, I was blown away that church could actually be like this. The music was loud, and one of the first things I saw was the keyboardist completely stop playing and start running laps around the church.
People spoke in tongues, laid hands on each other, and fell to the floor in the name of the Holy Spirit. And I bought into it all…eventually.
I got “saved” during a rendition of Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames that my church put on.
I got married at 22 because I thought that’s what God wanted me to do. I didn’t want to live in sin and be sexually tempted, and I thought that God had put this woman in my life to be my wife, so why wait??
We divorced years later.
Ah, purity culture.
It wasn’t until I was 26 (about 15 years ago) that I started really questioning my belief in God.
There was a split at my church, and then the church I went to moved locations. I stopped going to church much. I still believed in god, but I realized I didn’t need to go to church to be a believer.
As I stayed home on Sundays, I started having more time to think and question. Not being around worship music and preaching every Sunday gave me an opportunity to breathe and reflect.
I used to work a stressful job in a shipping office and would take afternoon walks around the building to relieve some stress and remind myself that work isn’t all there is.
A coworker used to take smoke breaks outside where I walked. We’d talk sometimes. One day, he asked me if I believe in god, and I said that I did.
He was an ex-preacher who went to college (against the wishes of his church mates) and learned about other religions. He made the point that where you are born largely dictates what you believe.
I had never really thought about that before.
A light bulb went off for me, and it all made so much sense. I realized that the main reason that most people believe in their particular god(s) is because of indoctrination, and that was true for me, too.
Of course, that’s not always the case, but most of the time, it is. Beliefs are largely influenced by parents or the culture in which someone grows up.
I pretty much immediately became an atheist (even though I didn’t use that word for probably a year or two).
After I stopped believing in God, I was indifferent toward religion for many years, but I kept seeing so much on social media about Christianity and, more specifically, Christian nationalist rhetoric with Donald Trump being in office.
I started out on Instagram (@jesusunfollower) as a way of venting some frustrations about religion.
People started commenting on my posts, DMing me that they could relate, and I saw more and more deconstruction/deconversion/atheist accounts popping up.
My account evolved into way more than just venting, and because I feel more of a purpose doing this than I have anything else in my life.
Here’s a video that talks about why I don’t believe in god:
Hopefully some of my content has helped or will help you feel less alone in this world full of believers.
I know that there will always be haters or those who don’t understand, and I’m completely okay with that because of the positive messages I get. Like these:
oh, and speaking of haters…
Comments From Christians
This newsletter used to focus on the crazy comments that I get from Christians. As you’re probably aware, it was called Comments From Christians.
However, I’ve come to realize that devoting so much of my energy to responding to those comments is a waste of my time and mental energy, so I’m going to start doing more to protect my mental health.
Having said that, I do have some comments saved up that I haven’t posted here yet, so let’s take a look at a few!
And I think you’ll understand why I’m distancing myself from reading/engaging with these in the future!
I never claim to be better than Christians.
Ghost coming in hot. I’m so shocked that he’s hiding behind an anonymous, private profile! But he’s not done…
Yeah, he’d definitely say it to my face. Like totally.
Imagine being so mad that someone criticizes Christianity that you say these things.
I don’t think you know what pronouns are, Rob.
Um…thanks? I’d rather be anywhere than in the same place as you for eternity, buddy.
“thinking they’re educated but don’t no anything” lol
Yes, I’m clearly the one who needs to calm down.
Good luck when that thing that’s definitely not gonna happen happens!
See what I mean about needing to step away from reading so many comments?
I have a theory that every Christian who comments on my posts is severely doubting their faith. See how those baseless claims work?
Another one blocked. The whataboutism always goes crazy.
Hmm. Seems like maybe someone else is triggered and definitely needs a therapist.
They really think that every atheist is vocal and loud. They don’t realize there are millions who just go about their day and just never say anything about gods.
I’m convinced now.
How does one work on knowing?
Straw man level: expert
Craving oppression? Interesting. My post was only pointing out how Christians celebrate when their kids (who still believe in Santa) “decide on their own” to get baptized.
Som ody once told me the world is gonna roll me.
How do these people function in day to day life?
A bit ironic innit?
Wally, it’s time to log off. Forever.
2 shots of irony…
Wow, you got me, Josue.
Do I make much money when he comments? No, but it’s fun to think of his face when he reads that.
He calls me edgy and has a profile picture like that lol
Why do they so frequently go the “lack of father figure” route? It’s a weird assumption. I have great parents and a great relationship with them.
And finally…
Thank you for reading this long-ass newsletter, and remember:
You don’t need a god to be good.
Kevin
All of my links: www.jesusunfollower.com
To add another comment if I may.
I think that it is particularly hard for someone like you, living in the US. From my position here in Australia, we realise that the world is very much more than we are. We get a large variety of world commentary so we are familiar with a huge diversity of beliefs and further, a good many people in Australia are aware that there are a lot of different countries and cultures out there that are very different from us.
It seems to me that the US is a particularly insular country with an almost endless obsession with its own people, politics and culture. Evangelicals are strong in the US, particularly in the south. I mix with evangelical people regularly here in Australia as I’m doing a Masters of Theology degree, and even they regard US evangelicals as ‘bat shit crazy’ to quote one. Here you can be a person of no faith and nobody really cares.
Anyway, just a thought.
I am not a person of faith, although I was brought up in both the Protestant and later the Catholic tradition. I have evangelical friends.
One thing I have noticed about all people is that it is virtually impossible for people to doubt that their thoughts and feelings are not valid. Everyone believes that their ideas are true and rational. They recognise that people are often wrong or mistaken about things and that people can hold false beliefs, but not them. This is true in religion and politics.
For me, it was the fact that religious affiliation is geographically determined that made me doubt. Meeting people whose religious beliefs were different than mine yet held with equal conviction that mine were held. I knew that they were wrong just as much as they knew that I was wrong. Where do you go from this point?